The Layers To A Woman

The seriousness of a situation can scare you from telling the most important people that deserve to know. Yet the avoidance of such could kill you. Never in a million yrs do you expect someone to react so well to something that is yet damaging and effecting to both. Then for it yet to bring you closer together… insane thought.

the skeletons in our closets we have. 

when we die, i wonder .. does it all come out?

i just want to break down and cry.. the amount of drama i have with my family, my exs name coming up too often, the fact that id rather just disappear than deal with this junk. im not ready for this next big change that is going to happen, and i need to find out what im going to do. im just so lost. sometimes i want to cry out for you but then other times i know the smarter end of it. im just begging and pleading to jehovah at this point to be please help me before i just fall to the ground and not get back up. im not sure i can do this much more… please jehovah

i think u miss me, but i dont think i can handle it

well looking back at 2011 .. i still was living in the past, hoping my past would become my future again, but now looking forward. 2012 will be my yr. im making my dreams come true. im traveling like crazy, only outside the country mainly, minus my trip in two weeks to cali to see my cheer me up friend! im super excited about that, its going to be like a repeat of last yr i feel like, when we had gone to NY together.. dear baby jesus i hope not tho. but in real life, he is a true friend that looks out for me and cares. he lives across the country and knew something was wrong with me, and we barely talk anymore. i just love the kid. then i may be going to tx. which i find to be the most exciting thing in life. one cuz i like someone down there. two cuz im going warm places this winter and thats exciting. i promise i will snowboard a few times this year, i just have no desire at the same time lol randomly mr. self righteous from indi has been hitting me up again, i dunno i feel like its a sign whenever i start to do better spiritually he comes back into my life its kinda wild. but talking to him makes me think of mindy and thats a rough thought. 

so ive kinda been all over the USA and i dont really have the desire to go places here anymore, and so its funny how i was like ok fine i can settle down but then all these trips come up for out of the country, and there is no way i can pass them up. i dont have a man, the guy im interested in, loves traveling! :) which is amazing to me. he pretty much is, but im reallllllly trying to control myself. cuz who knows if anything would ever happen with that, but i really hope he is in my 2012 :) he is pretty much perfect, i never say that about anyone, ive never been swept off my feet when i first met someone, ive never thought someone was so right for me… i just pray pray and pray. but come feb im going to cancun and oct-nov i will be traveling europe and seeing all the bethels while im over there! :) i cant believe this is really happening, i really hope i will be close to an engagement by the end of 2012, and i doubt that will happen but by golly gee willicurrrs i wish! lol not just any either lol.

i hope in feb/march ill see him :)

my biggest fear is getting back with him, or trying to get him back, cuz if that happens, i just feel like my heart cant handle the pain, and i dunno… its just so scary, but i keep having dreams about him and it ends in me crying and my heart hurting, and i wake up with my heart racing,….

jfizzdabaddest:

funny how we used to make videos together,
funny how we held hands and said itd last forever,
and now its funny how we fight and we’re no longer together,
and now its funny how we both thought that we would last forever,
its still funny when i look back at all the things to remember,
i hope you dont forget we had the best thing ever.